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Who Pays on Dates?

January 27th, 2007 at 07:21 pm

Alright, this is hardly personal finance-related, but I would like to use this blog to see if my thought process is relevant.

I've always been hearing from guy friends who complain about taking girls out and being expected to pay for expensive dinners and drinks. It appears to me that guys should pay for the first date, since he is the one who initiated. This act of gentleman politeness is definitely appreciated. However, if the girl becomes interested at the end of first date, she could offer to pay her share to indicate her interest. I've met a guy who insisted on paying for first three dates, then I offered to take turn paying so we don't have to do math lessons all the time.

Of course, when I meet someone interesting, I don't want him to spend all his money on food. After the first date, if there are more dates planned, the going-out could be split. Moreover, nowadays, women are making more money and prefer to pay for their share.

As for expensive dinners and drinks, well, I have low-tolerance and one drink is about it. I consider a good time in a coffee worthwhile for a date also.

Don't be a jerk, if you (male) ask someone out, then bring your wallet. Don't be a freeloader, if you (female) haven't offered to pay by the third date, don't waste his time.

15 Responses to “Who Pays on Dates?”

  1. koppur Says:

    So what if the one who initiated the date is the girl? I think it should be expected that each will pay half, and then if the guy or the girl want to pay the whole amount when the ill comes, that's thee choice. I've always offered to pay for half on first, second, third dates. Until we become an item and then we usualy just alternate turns.

  2. PRICEPLUS Says:

    I guess I am very old fashioned. I think I was engaged before my wife paid for a meal. I guess I am an anachronism. I still get up out of my seat to say hello, I always offer my seat to a woman if she is standing, I always hold the door. I never use blue language in the presence of women.

    I behave this way because my Mom and Dad raised me that way.Smile

  3. paigu Says:

    Funny, I've had guys say they thought it was rather forward when I offered to chip in for dates. I actually agree with you, using "who's paying" as a gauge of how interested you are in the other person. Guys should also be aware of girls using them for their wallets; girls, watch out your guy isn't a cheapstake!

  4. living_in_oz Says:

    Well, I'm a married gal but, if a guy didn't automatically pay for a date, then I would never go out with him again...period. I'm kinda old fashioned though. My dh NEVER even thought of letting me pay for anything in the three years that we dated before marriage.
    But, I never expected my dh to buy big expensive dinners or expensive dates either. I was happy with our dates that included picnic lunches and fishing for the afternoon. I was just as happy with a video rental as going to see at movie at an expensive theater. Guess I was a cheap date!

  5. scfr Says:

    I'd suggest to your guy friends that they not take the girls out for expensive dinners & drinks!

    Waaaaaaaaay back in my dating days I went out with a very nice guy who invited me out to the Spaghetti Factory for our first date. I thought nothing of it and in fact was just happy to be asked out by a decent guy! Later he confessed that was his standard "first date" restaurant because if a girl turned up her nose at going someplace that was nice and family-friendly but definitely not 4-star haute cuisine, he knew right away she was not the girl for him.

  6. Broken Arrow Says:

    I don't disagree Jen, but personally, I think it's kind of weird to have to keep count? You know, kind of no different than for some guys to think that, after 3 dates, they can definitely expect to get laid.

    Would you like to be expected to put out after 3 dates? Even if you don't realize that there was such a rule out here?

    Again, I'm not saying I disagree. I just think that having to keep count kind of ruins the whole thing? I don't know. I think if a guy enjoys a girl's company, then he can just keep paying without having to worry about keeping count, just as a woman shouldn't mind paying without having to keep count either.

    But then, I've always paid, before and even after I was married and I didn't there was anything wrong with it. But if I have to keep count now... well, I think it would make a guy like me even more gun shy than I already am. Big Grin
    But that's just my personal opinion anyway.

  7. LdyFaile Says:

    Hmm. Ok for me personally this is my take on it. Of course I'm a single gal who's not been on too many dates..

    If the guy initiates the first date he pays. I don't order anything extremely expensive, never more than I can cover. I pretend I have to pay for it even if I really don't.

    After that I expect we'll each pay for our own unless it's strictly laid out 'how about I treat you to this great restaurant I know' etc. Just my two cents.

    I'm not above letting the guy pay the first time if he initiated and I'm not above paying if I initiate. However, chances are good that I won't initiate so...

  8. jersey jen Says:

    * koppur

    i actually don't know any girl who takes the initiative. they may have hinted, but it seems like the society says that the guy should do the asking. but, yeah, that'd be an interesting situation.

  9. jersey jen Says:

    * priceplus

    it's good to see that manners are still alive :-)

  10. jersey jen Says:

    * broken arrow

    counting to three dates is never necessary. sometimes there are freeloading girls who take advantage of the situation. if i'm truly interested in a guy, i want him to use that money to buy a nice present than food :-)

  11. Moneymonk Says:

    Well said Jen!

    Us woman can be freeloaders and Men always want to initiate the date but complain or get mad when it gets expensive.

  12. jersey jen Says:

    * moneymonk

    yay! another one agree with me.

  13. Mike Says:

    I live in Chicago, and women expect everything to be paid by the man, with limited exceptions.

    I've decided I'll pay for two dates, and if she doesn't then offer to take me out, I'll pass.

    I've never had a good relationship with a woman who expected me to pay for everything. Women like that are selfish in many other ways, and it makes for a sour relationship.

  14. xyz Says:

    I also live in a big city-Chicago and here is the rule:

    A guy should pay for first three dates. Then no matter who asks who out, girl should offer to pay. It doesn't have to be 50-50 but she should offer to pay. You cannot make him pay for everything.. Just like we want to make sure that the guy is not using us for sex, he also wants to make sure that girl he is dating is not using him for his money.. Plain and simple.

    And yes, the girls who are expecting a guy to pay for every single thing are selfish! We girls have too many expections! If men and women are equal in everything in this day and age, then why go old way and make man pay for everything? Just a thought.

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